kowaiEGGS's avatar

kowaiEGGS

2 Watchers8 Deviations
1.6K
Pageviews

Thoughts #1

3 min read
This feeling I've been having recently, its like I just want the zombie Apocalypse to happen.

I know it sounds idiotic and irrational, since a situation like that wouldn't be pleasant.
But please try an understand the appeal.

A sudden surge of chaos pushes aside normal social constructs, giving you freedoms you may have not had before.
No more working eight hours at a job you don't like, No more school, no more rent or mortgage.
In my experience, people with stressful or boring daily lives imagine this scenerio.

I suppose Adrenaline junkies might also like it.
But that's not me.

I want to get rid of the problems I have, even if they're being replaced by the veracious thrashing maw of a deceased neighbor.

But I also don't want it to happen, because there's so many things and people that I adore that would .

I also understand that the human race does not have the permanence that people say we do. We could easily die off from such a virus. We like to say that we'd be badass survivors, in leather jackets wielding our coveted weapon of choice.
But let's be real, that's not how it works. Everyone would be suffering, infected or not.
Emotional trauma, food and/or water shortages, the constant fear of undead threats looming around every corner.

I know this, but day dreams persist.
Always drifting into the same idea of a vile smelling corpse shambling down the hallway, only to have its skull caved in with a metal bat.

And the idea of cannibalism is very popular in zombie movies and games. And imagine that as well. What if in that situation, my traumatized brain is able to rationalize eating the flesh of another human being?
And then my mind drifts off into the actual details of butchering a person, which after some thinking, is far less difficult (objectively) then I originally thought.

And I imagine these things, knowing full well that I don't want that to happen.
But I do.
Maybe it has something to do with me hating myself or the world around me, and just wanting to start from scratch and abscond from this life.

Or maybe the moon and sun have aligned in just the right position to fuck with my brain.

Or maybe I just don't care anymore, and the only thing I can think of to make daily life worth living is if me living is in someway saving my species.
Because I can find no importance in myself whatsoever, I give myself significance by daydreaming of my fight for survival in a world abundant with shambling corpses.


I feel a bit better after talking about that.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Thoughts #1 by kowaiEGGS, journal